I've been feeling a bit blue recently, and sometimes utterly overwhelmed. I often feel like a complete failure when it comes to being a wife and mother, feeling like I never have time to do all that I want to do. I always run out of time to get everything done. The house isn't as organized and clean as I want it. There's piles of clutter around the house that I haven't had time to put away. Pages and pages of case notes to read and class notes to organize as I get ready for finals.
I just don't know what to do. I try to do better, to keep things cleaner, to be more organized, but then life happens. Christmas is busy for anyone, but with law school finals spread over the weeks before Christmas, I feel added pressured to study more for the tests that are looming.
In my quiet time this morning, I read this (below) and it helped me realize I can't be perfect. And in striving for perfection, I will always fail, because I need to be striving for perfection in my relationship with God, not in my life. I need to embrace the grace of God, but at the same time, I wish that grace had some caffeine pills attached so I could get more done!
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal,but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Phil 3:12
Christian perfection is not, and never can be human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship to God which shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life... God is not after perfecting me to be a specimen in His show room, He is getting me to the place where He can use me.-- Oswald Chambers
I know God's molding me and refining me so he could use me, but I guess I just don't know what I can change or do to help that refining not be so emotionally painful, or so physically exhausting!