Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Due Date

October 7.
Today is my due date.

That’s right, you didn’t misread that. Today is the day that my third child should have been born. On February 1, I snapped this picture of my pregnancy test confirming that I was pregnant.

The emotions I felt when I read that test was mixed.

I was thrilled. I love babies, and can’t wait to have another child in my life.

I was terrified. I had been spotting for a week and felt physically ill and worn down. 

I felt faithless. I was afraid that this pregnancy would end in a heart-wrenching miscarriage like my first. While I knew God was in control in all situations, I struggled believing that I was being blessed with another child. I had been praying for another baby for so long, and felt that the pregnancy test was almost too good to be true. When my doctor later confirmed another miscarriage I was devastated. 

My son was born in December 2010, but he is my second child. I lost my first baby in February 2010. It was an early term pregnancy, and my doctors brushed off my grief with cold statistics.

According to statistics, as many as 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage -- most often before a woman misses a menstrual period or even knows she is pregnant. About 15% of recognized pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. More than 80% of miscarriages occur within the first three months of pregnancy.

But statistics did not help. I had lost a life. I lost my precious baby in February 2010.

And this February, five years later, I lost my third baby.

Four months later, I lost my fourth baby.

People don’t know what to say when I tell them about my miscarriages. I don’t know what to say most of the time either. The process of grieving has been slow. Not only am I grieving the loss of a tiny baby I was never able to kiss and cuddle, but I grieve for all of the memories we won’t have together.

Becky Thompson wrote: “And even if the world never got a chance to know them, I want it to be known that they were loved.”

I had a miscarriage. 

In fact, I have had three. I will not forget these precious babies, and I will never stop loving them.


Tuesday, October 6, 2015

House of Dreams

A tour of the Sad House my House of Dream.

A quick side bar--
When we were looking at houses in April, I heard that Jonathan Crombie, the actor who played Gilbert Blythe had passed away. Growing up, I loved Anne of Green Gables, the books, the movies, the tv series Avonlea. I'll admit I even was a bit in love with Gilbert Blythe himself.

As I was looking at these pictures, I realized, in homage to Gilbert Blythe, I should stop referring to the house as the Sad House, but instead, my House of Dreams, in reference to Gilbert and Anne's house.

The pictures here are of the house when we first did the walk through of the house. The sparceness and lack of personality made me call it the Sad House to begin with.

The best thing about the new house is how open it feels, and how much natural light fills the rooms.

The first thing you see when you step into the house is the staircase winding down to the front hall. I love the curves, and I can just imagine taking pictures of my kids lined up on the staircase waiting for Christmas morning.

Or Prom.

Or whatever.

Just to the left as you step into the house is the office.
The office is a bit sad and empty now... but I have plans. And my plans may include acres of quilting fabric.

Next is the the formal Living Room.
Another view of the formal living room, looking back towards the front door.

The Dining Room, the view from the formal living room. The little door way leads into the kitchen.

 The Dining Room looking back towards the Formal Living Room.

Bored yet?

This picture is at the back of the house, where the kitchen sits.

I swooned over the cabinets, they are exactly what I would have chosen.

My husband, the Chef, thinks the "triangle" is screwed up in the kitchen, as each point of the cooking triangle-- the stove, refrigerator, and sink-- is interrupted by the island. So the Chef says that you spend all the time going around the island instead of cooking.

The bad Triangle doesn't bother me that much, as the cold cereal and the bowls are right next to each other. I don't know why he's complaining.
 The kitchen looking towards the family room
 Sad empty family room.

 Upstairs, the master bedroom also is barren and sad.

The master bathroom.
Another view of the master bath, with the swimming pool sized tub. Swoon.
 Master Closet. Double Swoon.

I can get a lot of clothes in there.

 Yup, still swooning.

The picture below is the en-suite bedroom at the front of the house on the second floor. There is a bathroom and walk-in closet attached to this large room.

Looking from the ensuite bedroom back down the hall. The doors on the right lead to a guest room, bathroom, and our son, BB's (Baby Buckaroo) bedroom.

 Finally, the back of the house.
 And the backyard.

Since May we have moved in and filled the house with our belongings. It is no longer a Sad House, but it is slowly becoming my dream house. I am trying to take things slow, but I am dying to start painting and planting. Maybe next year.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Soft Kitty

Thank goodness its Friday.

I am looking forward to going to a quilt fair this weekend, spending time with my parents, and of course, watching the first episode of season nine of The Big Bang Theory

from Found on

I've watched the previous 8 seasons over and over... I can almost recite every episode.

(Its the perfect show to play in the background while I quilt.)

I may have a problem. 


Thursday, September 24, 2015

A new adventure: The Farmer's Wife 1930s Sew Along

The start of a new adventure.

On Monday, September 28, I am embarking on a year long sew along (where quilters all over the world each work on one project, and we share our progress as we go).

I've been pondering the meaning of my blog for quite a while. While I was in law school it was a fun way to vent and share information to other law students. But now that I'm an attorney-- I can't vent about my job, clients, etc. without the very real risk of losing my job.

I haven't wanted to just turn my blog into another mommy-blog, as I don't think I'm a stellar mother, nor is my kiddo that interesting (although I will admit that he's the cutest boy ever).

So where to go with this blog? I love it, and have poured so many hours into that I don't simply want to pull the plug either. So this blog is going to be about my alternate life-- not as a lawyer, mom, or writer, but as a quilter.

Which cues my next big project. I am joining the Farmer's Wife Sew Along, which will take me through this lovely new book, and I'll sew two quilt blocks a week for a year. I will be blogging about my experience throughout, and hopefully share other stories and glimpses of my life as I go.

At the end of the year, I hope that I will be in a different place. I hope that through my quilting I will be able to have a creative outlet that gives me joy after every week of lawyering.

Why didn't they tell us in law school that being a lawyer is so often dull?

And by dull I mean boring. Seriously.

I hope that as I create this quilt blocks based from patterns from The Farmer's Wife 1930s Sampler Quilt book, that I will be inspired by the letters from farm women of the Great Depression. A Cowgirl in the City can get inspiration from farm wives, after all.

My fabric selection for this quilt is this lovely fat quarter bundle of fabric of solid Kona fabrics selected by Elizabeth Hartman for her designer palette.  The colors just make me swoon, and I think the combination of modern solids in a traditional quilt block will be just lovely.
How excited am I about this?

I have my book in hand and my fabric, and am just counting down the days until I can start sewing these blocks! I hope you, my ever loyal readers, will stick around for the ride.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

House Hunting

I went hunting this spring. It was grueling, hard work, and kind of traumatic.

Photograph by Hillary Maybery, Source

No, not this kind of hunting (although isn't that a gorgeous picture of girl power and horses?). My hubby, the Chef, and I went house hunting. Our first little Love Nest sold within days of putting it on the market. And while we included a contingency provision in the contract, that we could possibly stay in our old house longer if we couldn't find a new house, we were determined to move as soon as possible. 

If you live in Colorado, or have heard any of the reports about the housing market in Denver this year, its been insane, and has hit record highs. Denver was the hottest market in the nation this summer, with Boulder ranked 13th..
The market in Colorado story shows the resilience and diversified nature of the states’ economies despite the declines in oil... Denver is experiencing substantial economic growth, and the tight supply of housing is resulting in the fastest-moving inventory in the country. (source)
An insanely hot market was awesome to sell in. A bit more challenging to buy in. 

To say the least. 

But since we weren't looking in Denver proper, but in some of the northern suburbs, I figured we'd be ok. And in a naive way, I thought since our price point for houses was larger than that of general first time home buyers we wouldn't have the competition.

I was wrong on both counts. 

Numerous houses we looked at were sold the first day they were listed. In fact one house I was trying to convince myself to like since it was in a great location went under contract while we were still in the garage debating the merits. 

This was the first house we put an official offer on, the Indian Paintbrush House:
It was so pretty. It was decorated like a beach cottage and had incredible views of the Front Range from the walk out basement. It was next to a golf course. It was stunning. The kitchen needed work, but the 5 bedrooms, finished basement, and the play area made up for it.

It was a bit over priced and a touch out of our budget, and since it had been on the market since the first of February, we made the best offer we could and hoped that they would come down a bit. The realtor and/or the sellers kind of jerked us around about the price for a while, before ultimately rejecting our offer. The reason they gave? It wasn't enough for them to build a new house in Boulder with. I'm sorry, building a new house in Boulder will cost upwards of $1 mill... way more than what they were selling this house for. The 20K difference between our offer and their asking price would not keep them from building.

I'm petty enough to take joy in the fact that they never sold the house and ultimately took it off the market. I'm sorry, but there it is. Pettiness, thy name is Amy.

Losing that Indian Paintbrush House was a tough pill to swallow, but we were determined, so we kept looking at houses.

This was the second house we fell in love with and put an offer on, the Ranch House:
This ranch had a full finished basement with a kitchen, two bedrooms, sewing room, and huge pantry -- in the basement! My husband fell in love with the idea of two kitchens. I fell in love with the idea of having an office upstairs and my own sewing room downstairs.

This house too was a bit over priced, but we offered all that we could for it. The sellers accepted another offer that was $500 over ours. Ouch. But despite my sadness, I was happy I wouldn't have to live with the oak cupboards a grandma installed in the kitchen.

Just hours after losing the large ranch house above, we went to look at this house, the Red House:
This house was smaller, but in the neighborhood we wanted, closer to Boulder and Louisville. An awesome preschool was in the neighborhood, and the subdivision was surrounded by farms. The house was listed that morning, and we offered $20K over asking price, and added an escalating clause stating we would beat the best offer by $2K. The seller rejected our offer, as he accepted a different offer (a cash offer). Who can buy a house like this for cash? It was crazy.

A bit defeated at this point, we went looking for houses again. Two more were listed Thursday night, and we were determined to look at them before they sold. This house, below, was on the same street as House #2 above, so we already knew we liked the neighborhood.

Sad House
The house description said:
Beautiful Floor Plan With 4 Beds And 4 Baths. Grand Entrance With Curved Staircase. Main Floor Office With French Doors. The Kitchen Features A Double Oven, Center Island, An Abundance Of Cabinets, Walk In Pantry And Stainless Appliance. The Family Room Is Off The Kitchen And Features A Gas Fireplace. The Master Suite Has A 5 Piece Bath And Walk In Closet. En Suite Secondary Bedroom With Large Closet. Covered Patio And Sprinkler System. There Is Plenty Of Room In This Home For Family And Entertaining.
But it didn't say: This house was built in 2009 and is very sad. 4 bedrooms, but only one person lives here full time. The owner sleeps in a small bedroom without furniture, and her daughter looks like she just moved in out of her dorm room. Two or three cats and a large dog had made their mark on the house-- the pets seemed to be the only ones living in this house.

Barren walls, no furniture-- this house didn't look staged, it looked sad.

The house went on the market at midnight. We put in an offer at 5 p.m. The owner accepted our offer at 11:00 p.m. that night.

The sad house is now our dream house... and we just need a bit of elbow grease and love to make it our dream home.


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